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How to create a Juicy AF (alcohol free) life full of possibility with Kay Allison

The consumption of alcohol and how its affects deteriorate the brain; causing many lifestyle choices that lead to shame, regret, addiction and more..stay tuned to learn more

Dec 23, 2022

There’s a lot of controversy with alcohol and its effects on our bodies and brains.  Quite a bit of research has been done with some positive benefits to alcohol and brain health.  One of the topics with extensive research is the consumption of alcohol and how its affects deteriorate the brain, causing many lifestyle choices that lead to shame, regret, addiction and more…

On this episode of the Go Reflect Yourself podcast my amazing guest, author Kay Allison and creator of the Juicy AF Life, will talk us through how to create an alcohol free life that is joyful, interesting, and vital! Stay tuned to this episode…

You can create an alcohol-free life that is joyful, interesting, and vital; with proven tools, ideas, and experiences that will transform your anxiety, shame, and remorse into a life awash in love and, literally, dreams come true.

This is a must listen to episode where you will leave motivated, inspired, and a new approach to living a Juicy AF (alcohol free) life…if you choose. 

Welcome to The Go Reflect Yourself Podcast, where we provide brain-based strategies for your success; in all key areas of your life, including wealth, health, business, relationships, etc. 

Your host, Heather J. Crider, A High-performance neurocoach, author, and speaker, talks with author and creator of Juicy AF Life, Kay Allison. 

Where to watch and listen to this episode: 

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Key Tips and Takeaways from this episode

  • How our culture communicates narratives around alcohol and high performance
  • Alcohol is a toxic substance that changes our brains physiology
  • Learn how to reframe a life of possibility 
  • How can you remain alcohol free, if you choose to
  • The number one reason people don’t feel good enough 
  • How to move forward despite negative emotions and poor decisions 
  • Learn how Regularly drinking as few as 7 drinks per week alters our neural circuits 
  • How to learn how to reframe and redirect your negative thinking 
  • Why willpower doesn’t work when you want to quit a habit 
  • How to create a roadmap to live alive and free 
  • AND MORE…..

Watch the full episode here on video:

Tune in and as you watch or listen to this episode.  Pause every 5-10 minutes and mindfully reflect on what you just heard. 
Write down your thoughts, then yawn and stretch before proceeding.

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More About Kay Allison

In 1999, Kay Allison was a Senior Vice President at a global ad agency and a single mom as her drinking escalated to the point that she went alcohol free. 

Since then, Kay increased her income 6x, met and married a man she’s still crazy about 21 years later, helped Fortune 200 companies generate $2 billion in new revenue, adopted a child, written two books, invented 4 successful businesses, travelled around the world and moved to her dream town.

Most important, she is happy with herself.

She’s an executive coach, a healer and a clairvoyant.

She lives in a pine forest and meditates by a waterfall every morning.

She truly lives a Juicy AF life.

Visit Kay at her website: https://juicyaf.life/

Reach Kay

Insta: @join_juicyaf

TT: JuicyAF

And grab a copy of her book…

https://juicyaf.life/book/

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Remember….What You THINK Matters.  

More About The Go Reflect Yourself Podcast

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To truly have the life you want; the career, house, family, relationships, car, lifestyle, wealth, freedom, you name it….you must learn what success is and where it comes from, starting with how you think.

Welcome to The Go Reflect Yourself Podcast, where we provide 60-second brain-based strategies for your success; in all key areas of your life, including wealth, health, business, relationships, etc. 

Go Reflect Yourself was created after years of being a corporate employee and an independent business owner. Throughout all of those years, I learned that no matter what level of success people had achieved, and specifically financial success, typically they were still missing something, missing true joy, well-being, and fulfillment. 

I’ve spent a career helping business owners, leaders, and entrepreneurs learn the skills needed to discover their inner brilliance, and that’s how Go Reflect Yourself was born…my goal is to help as many as possible learn the necessary skills to achieve ultimate fulfillment and well-being.

I am your host, Heather J. Crider, CEO of Heather J. Crider & Co., a high-performance neurocoach, , author, search inside yourself facilitator, business strategist, and keynote speaker. (and mom!)

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Full Transcript

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

alcohol, drinking, drink, women, life, brain, people, create, experiment, feel, experiences, problem, anxiety, habit, kay, burnout, willpower, unhealthy habits, free, talk

00:00

Welcome to another episode of The Go reflect yourself podcast. There’s a lot of let’s just say controversy with alcohol and its effects on our bodies and our brain, which as you know, if you’ve been a prior listener, brain health is extremely important to me. And there has been quite a bit of research done on some, some I will say this, with clarification, some positive effects to alcohol, memory and brain health. However, extensive research on the consumption of alcohol and how it affects and deteriorates the brain causing not just brain health issues, but lifestyle choices and issues, leading to things like guilt and shame and regret and addiction and so much more. On this episode of The Go reflect yourself podcast my amazing guest, Kate Allison will talk us through how to create an alcohol free life that is joyful, interesting, and vital. So stay tuned to this episode. Hi there. My name is Heather J Crider and I welcome you to the Go reflect yourself Podcast. I’m here to bring you real, practical, brain based strategies helping you transform your life. One thought at a time, working hard and staying busy will only get you so far. To truly become happy content and who you’re meant to be. You have to move beyond physical capacities and look from within. Allowing you to overcome those obstacles and barriers. My mission is to help inspire you to take massive action to transform your life all starting from the inside out. I invite you to watch or listen to this podcast and share it with others who you feel can also benefit from it. I invite you to join my free Facebook group beat burnout. That’s where we provide more practical neuroscience and mindset strategies, helping you reduce stress, anxiety and overcome overwhelm. Thank you so much for being here. I’m honored and grateful for you. You’re stronger than you believe. You have greater powers than you know. Okay, give me just a moment to introduce today’s amazing guest. In 1999. Kay Allison was a Senior Vice President at a global ad agency and a single mom as her drinking escalated to the point that she went alcohol free. Since then K has increased her income six times met and married a man she’s still crazy about after 21 years, she helps fortune 200 companies generate $2 billion in new revenue, adopted a child written two books and vented for successful businesses, traveled the world and moved to her dream town. Most importantly, however, Kay is happy, and she’s happy with herself. She’s an executive coach, a healer and clairvoyant. She lives in a pine forest and meditates by a waterfall every morning, which just sounds so delightful. And she truly lives a juicy A F life, which means alcohol free life. So Kay, welcome to the Go reflect yourself Podcast.

03:31

I’m delighted to be here. Thanks so much for the invitation.

03:35

I’m delighted that you said yes, and that you’re here with us to share all your juicy goodness. I just want to just jump to society. Society has this alcohol social, it’s okay. As long as you’re functioning, and you’re successful, it’s looked at as just normal part of our culture in many cultures, but especially today, but with certain realm of success. There’s a lot of confusion. And then comes the shame and the guilt and confusion. And obviously, there’s a lot of MIS education on how consumption really does affect our lives. I want to side pivot here before I asked my real question, this, this is not a conversation about addiction. But I just want to set the stage that this is a topic that is extremely close to my heart because I lost a sister to addiction, which started from alcohol. And again, from a brain perspective, and all the other things that go along with it. And clearly this is not about addiction and going down that path but I just want to set the stage that that’s an underlying part of some of the society guilt and shame as long as you’re not there. long as you’re not in that bad of a state, you’re probably okay. That’s what a lot of people feel. So bringing it back to you, my wonderful, amazing guests, when did you first notice and how alcohol being an issue?

05:18

I think I knew from early on that the way my body responded to alcohol was maybe different than other people’s, I didn’t seem to have an off switch. Once I started drinking, all I wanted was more. And whereas some people could have a sip of wine or walk around with a red solo cup full of beer and kind of nurse it for the whole night. That was pretty much never me. I think the problem with our culturals our culture’s narrative is that it puts the blame on the human being, for having a problem with alcohol rather than just acknowledging that alcohol is a toxic substance that has some effects that we like. And it it is addictive. It just is addictive because of the way it rewires your neural circuits.

06:18

Yeah. I love but it’s not a

06:22

personal failing. It is not a personal failing. It is a biological phenomenon that some people just respond to alcohol the way I did, and some people don’t. But either way, there are consequences to your biology and your mental state when you drink.

06:41

Absolutely. And what did you say? And again, you can disclose what you’re comfortable with. especially younger adults, I mean, my I have an eight or almost 18 year old daughter right now. And that’s really one of the things is when you’re a kid and you’re going into college and alcohols this like hidden secret that you’re supposed to be cool if you drink and there’s all these pressures with it. But like you said, there are some of the effects that we just like, we like, where it takes us. We like where it takes us out of as well. We’d like Oh, for sure. I mean, there’s so many things here. So for you, you you said you noticed it and you felt it. You knew it was different. You knew it had a different effect on you. Did you like who you were when you were drinking?

07:39

I felt when I was drinking, that life was more colorful and magical and full of possibilities. I grew up in a family that was very quiet and studious. They were all teachers and scientists. And I joke that my mother’s house was 50 shades of beige. And I have no beige, like I’m wearing bright red.

08:09

That’s what you’re that’s why you’re so colorful, you’re like No.

08:13

Well, and I mean, there’s a method to the madness, right? So drinking gave me an escape from that what felt very confining and rigid and quiet to me into this life of color and possibility. And so if I couldn’t create that color impossibility for myself, in my real life, not my kind of drinking life, I don’t think I would be interested in being alcohol free for 23 years, which is what I’ve been able to do.

08:48

That’s amazing. So 23 years. And we’re gonna go back to that because I think that’s a very, very important thing. But to stay on this particular point of the subject, when you were in those states and looking at possibility and looking at, you know, this is kind of a alternate version of you of someone you really desire. But in the alcohol free world, at least at that time. You weren’t able to become that person. So on alcohol. Did you then when you were not drinking, did you have the guilt? The shame the I shouldn’t be doing this. There’s something wrong. How did that affect you?

09:32

When I was newly sober, I walked into a recovery meeting and there was this gorgeous woman who was telling her story. She was dressed in designer clothes, she was perfectly groomed and she was whip smart and so articulate. And she told this story about being in her living room at 3am with her husband, her boyfriend and the police, and she thought this was perfectly natural and normal, and she threw back this mane of curls. And she laughed and laughed and laughed. And at the time, I was buried in these layers of shame, and remorse and regret and embarrassment and denial. All wallpapered over with nothing to see here, ma’am, pass on lie. Yeah. And I remember being viscerally shocked by her embodiment of freedom, and sparkling aliveness. And that’s really why I now have created a book and I’ve created courses and a community, for women, because I want to do that same thing. I think shame has no place in this, it has no place in this. And that is why I deliberately am so matter of fact about the stuff that I’ve done in the past. Because my life is now wonderful. And I’ve used all those experiences as learning experiences. And they’ve all furthered my growth as a human being.

11:23

Yeah. And I love that you’re willing to share that. And so it really comes down to just being vulnerable and accepting at the same time, would you say, for you your experience in dealing with with others, that this is more problematic for women? Because you talked about that, you know, nothing to see here. I don’t look behind the curtain If I reveal who I really am. There’s all these things that I’m opening myself up to, and oh, my goodness, what if you don’t like me? What if you judge me? What if what if, what if which is useless to? So my question out of all that is women and men to this is not a gender thing, but it kind of is at the same time because women have so different attachment to emotions, and that vulnerability is very difficult. So how do you speak to that, especially watching this woman who was so incredibly free about

12:25

it? What I have found in being alcohol free is that 12 step recovery programs were created by men in the 1930s. When culturally, men were seen as the king of the castle. And they came in with these gigantic grandiose egos that really needed to be punctured. Where I have been surprised, is, most of the women that I work with, it’s not about having a grandiose ego, it’s about feeling like we’re not good enough. We feel like we’re not thin enough, or we’re too young, or we’re not enough that or we’re too much of something else. And so all the work that he does to puncture your ego, like reminding yourself on a daily basis where you’re selfish, resentful, dishonest or afraid, it only makes our problem worse, it is not an antidote. And so what I’ve created is kind of the flip, which is, gosh, let’s pick one virtue or value or spiritual principle to practice every single week, like amusement or honesty, or compassion, and in and then let’s track our progress and what we’re learning about embodying honesty as we go through our week, and see what we learn about it. Right? So we’re looking at how are we moving forward, rather than always criticizing ourselves? That to me is the biggest distinction between men with you know, whose whose habit of drinking has become negative for them. And women. It’s just a fun, fundamental. And I also think cultural cultural issue.

14:34

Absolutely. And I there’s so much there, and I just want to comment on every single thing you said, I want to temper myself a little bit here because there’s there’s a lot that really comes out of that. Do you do you find because that’s what this really comes down to is being comfortable in our own skin and loving ourselves despite the flaws despite the necessity to grow despite that we are just human beings having a human experience. And that’s moment to moment. And alcohol sometimes often changes that physiology takes us to a different place, it lowers the inhibitions all of these things. And yeah, it can be quite fun. And it can be quite enjoyable. So 23 years you have been alcohol free, you mind sharing? What was that final decision, because a lot of people, let’s just put this on the table and be very honest, a lot of people are going to hear this or watch this and say, that’s great, but I don’t have a problem, or that’s great. This doesn’t really affect me that way. Or I enjoy alcohol enjoy socially, I enjoy, you know, good wine, or good tequila or good scotch or whatever. It’s not a problem. So I’m asking a lot here, but I’m curious how you would answer that. And what was your final flip of saying 23 years now?

16:08

I think the newsflash here is that alcohol consumption actually increases anxiety. As little as seven drinks a week, when you drink regularly, actually baseline increases your anxiety level. And it’s a miracle of our bodies. It’s the same phenomenon that makes us shiver when we’re cold and sweat when our hat puts us into homeostasis, right, a survival zone where we’re comfortable. And the same thing happens with alcohol, when your body comes to expect that you’re going to drink because it relaxes us and it slows our system down. Our body automatically expects that to come and ratchets up the anxiety. So when the alcohol comes in, you don’t get so relaxed that you forget to breathe, and your heart forgets to beat. And I did not understand this. But I was baseline super anxious most of the time. That is when I wasn’t depressed, that kind of ping pong back and forth. And I also was baseline more impulsive. And I have come to learn that, yes, it actually rewires your neural circuitry is with as little as seven drinks a week, so that you’re more impulsive, and not just when you’re drinking. Yeah. And so what happened for me was the chasm between how I was when I drank and who I thought of myself as being became undeniable. The last night that I drank, I had thrown a party for myself that I couldn’t afford, and I had already friends in and I was going to drink Diet Coke, so I could be present, you know, with my friends and about 1030 I was offered a glass of champagne, one too many times. And I thought, oh, one won’t hurt. And then my older kids who were then nine and 15 had to help me get undressed and into bed. And I was done. I was just done. That’s not who I am. And the disparity between how I was behaving and who I truly am, was undeniably different. And no more now when it comes to my kids. No more. Yeah.

18:34

How did that make you feel? And that realization from from both perspectives, because that’s very eye opening to, to kind of from an outward perspective, see yourself going through that behavior and having look at your children watching you? How was how was it going through that and then kind of shifting and this outer, I’m assuming that’s how it would be for me, if I’m witnessing this, it’s like an outer body experience of this actually happened? What the actual F I mean, seriously, how did how was that for you?

19:11

The good news for me was, in addition to waking up with anxiety, and remorse and shame, I also had a good clear dose of clarity. And that’s what inspired me to be done. And it was like a switch flipped, and I was done. And I haven’t had a drink since

19:35

any temptation for a drink or what have you

19:38

heard that over the years? There have been times when you know, I’ve been on a plane and the guy next to me has a red wine and I think Oh, that smells good. And but really, no, like I was just done and I think that for for the women who are listening who haven’t had that experience, you know, mommy wine culture is a big deal in our culture right now. And I just think that the message that we are have absorbed is that we need to be buzzed or hung over to raise our kids. And it’s the same that the 1950s Housewives with their Vikatan with Mama’s little helper, you know, they they were getting high because they were so bored out of their skulls. And we’re getting high, because we’re so overwhelmed. But the problem with it is that it drains our energy so much that we don’t have the energy that it takes to stand with our hands on our hips and no more, no more, you’re asking us to do too many things. And after I stopped drinking, I increased my income by a multiple of six, which is mind blowing, but it made me realize how much energy I was draining every night, every morning, by trying to get my physiology back to feeling okay, enough, or, you know, pretending that everything was fine. It took a ton of my energy. And so what I’m saying to to the women that are listening to us, man, is that really where you want to spend your energy?

21:35

Yeah, just that reset cycle every single time. And then, like you said, it changes your baseline and then your brain stays in this overactive state. And it’s just this, this spiral. I mean, and then then the negativity comes and then you’re really strengthening the brain because now you’ve got the pessimism part that’s just so incredibly ingrained in this cycle. No wonder we’re so stressed out and burned out, look at what we’re doing ourselves.

22:02

It’s insidious, right? Yeah. I mean, it’s just an insidious cycle. And it doesn’t mean that there’s a problem. And it doesn’t mean you’re an alcoholic. And it doesn’t mean that you are at fault. It’s simply a question of the the benefits of alcohol, outweigh the costs. And I would ask your listeners to take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. And on the left side, write what you get from it, because there are things that we get from it. Yeah. And then on the right hand side, make a list of what it costs you. And then attention to which of those things is more important, and which of those things is longer lasting?

22:45

Yeah, well, and the longer lasting part is really what’s most important here. And so that’s really, I mean, you just set it you, you had six times your revenue, you’ve done all these amazing things, you live this life now that is a dream life and fulfilled. So the the alcohol free part of this that you’re attributing, explain how you feel that the alcohol free has been able to benefit and impact not only you, but the women that you serve now to

23:22

freedom from alcohol, that anchor that was draining all my energy has given me the freedom to create this life that is ideal for me. I have no idea of this as anybody else’s dream life. But it’s mine. And it’s taking all of that energy that was getting dragged down and repurposing it into a way that has created a lot of freedom in my life as well. I feel like all of the things that I’ve had to learn to stay regulated and stay, you know, have some equanimity with all of the stuff that happens to all of us has enabled me to live a really spiritual and principled, very attuned life, because I’ve kind of had to I’ve had to find other things besides alcohol to allow me to deal with moving and kids growing up and kids being ill and my dad’s dying and like all the stuff, all the stuff that we deal with on a daily basis, and those are the things like that’s what’s really transformed my relationship with myself and my ability to be comfortable in my own skin.

24:50

I love that Kay and I’m just beaming because one of my taglines is discover and become your who we are who we are right now because of our choice. Isn’t our past and our history doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with us, it doesn’t mean you’re broken or bad. Or you should have any guilt or shame around it, it just simply means discover who you are. learn who you are, learn what you like, what learn what you don’t like, and become who you want to become. And what I’m hearing you say is the freedom and the energy and the presence, that being alcohol free has allowed you, you’ve been able to be fully in tune with who you are and who you want to become. So you can actually do that, and have joy and fulfillment and transform all of these things into positive ways of being in living.

25:45

Would you agree? Like, oh, my gosh, you just said my whole core message. Sentence. I love it. Yeah, it’s exactly right. And all of those experiences to me? Well, I’m going to tell you a story. Do you remember the joke about the little girl that was given a pile of manure for her birthday? And she got out the shovel, and she started digging? And when somebody asked her why she was doing that, she said, with all the shitter here, there’s got to be a pony somewhere. And, and that’s the way I feel about all the stuff that I was so ashamed of it’s there is gold in there somewhere. Yeah. And what is, and when I make mistakes today, or my mood is to up or to down or to sideways? What can I learn from this today, if I’m afraid about launching a new offer? Great, let’s work with the fear, because that’s the fastest way to get actualized or to God or to your higher self, or however you want to think about that. Yeah,

26:54

that’s beautiful. And that’s a great reminder, too, because there’s, there’s piles of manure everywhere. Just and that’s, you know, it’s interesting, because I was just as you were saying that I was thinking about a lot of my clients and just people who I have conversations with, it really boils down to how that becomes such a common common question how this sounds great, it sounds great. In theory, it sounds great to have this live to blah, blah, blah, to be fulfilled, live into your higher purpose to find your passion. But it’s always because of the the scarcity, the lack the unworthiness, the confidence concern, there always then becomes the Yes, but how that’s great, but how? What do you say to that to help somebody pushing through that moment, that really, that’s when fear and all of those other emotions of lack and self worth really are taking over at that time?

28:00

I mean, that’s why I have created a course, to really lay out a series of experiments, for women to learn from their own experience. You know, AAA has steps, but I have experiences and experiments. And one of them really is about taking stock of what is my drinking, giving me and what is it costing me, I also ask women to go through all the key areas of their life, their health, how they feel about their body, their relationships, their money, their career, their education, their community, their play, their social, you know, there, I have a list of 13 of them. And to really rate on a scale of one to five, how satisfied are you? Yeah, so really starting with a clear assessment. But the the real pivot change comes from identifying our old stories, I’m not good enough being chief among them. And then for each person really creating an antidote or a custom prescription, if you will, of values that are the that are the antidote to that kind of poisonous story that we tell ourselves. So what I’ve found with my I’m not enough, or I’m way too much is compassion and rigorous honesty, and focusing on other people being of service and that’s my custom prescription for this old story that I used to have an every time my brain goes to Oh, you’re not good enough. In whatever it’s lovely permutations face me each day. I redirect, redirect, redirect, redirect, and for the last time redirect my attention Attention on to how can I be compassionate? And is what I’m telling myself actually true? Is it actually true?

30:09

That’s amazing. And there’s so much synergy. I mean, we everything that you’re talking about is a completely in alignment of, of my program. And obviously, a lot of the things that we talk about here on go reflect yourself, because at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to, is having the awareness and the courage to being able to ask yourself, look in the mirror, have some honest conversations. Because it might not be as scary as you think you might actually uncover a few things that you like. And that’s a good thing, too.

30:44

I also have learned that, that I’m not good enough story is also part and parcel of our culture today. And you can’t, I think, be a female alive in 2022. And not have picked up some of that via osmosis. I mean, every magazine cover tells us that we’re not good enough. And every advertisement that we see tells us that we have to have this thing or that thing in order to be okay. And hey, I was a marketing person for 20 years, I was complicit. I’m very sorry. Now I am making, you know, my amends for that. So what I’m the reason I’m saying that is it’s not a pathology that is unique to my flaws, and my brokenness, it is part and parcel of what we are told we are as women today were either way too much or really inadequate. And, and so I get to experience that as part of today’s culture, it just takes the sting out of it a little bit.

31:48

Yeah. And it’s about the tools. And so I love that you’re giving these prescriptions, everybody comes up with their own, to really work and identify of what is going to best balance whatever’s going on. And that’s a big part of it. I mean, what you said is so, so true. The stories that constantly the more that we replay them, the more that we’re just firming them up and deep seeding them into that memory part of the brain. But we’re just really giving them more power, every time we say them every time we constantly lean into that. So having the awareness and then having the prescription. I love that. Let me ask you this question, because I think it’s a really important one willpower, talk about willpower in drinking, because I think that just just talk about that.

32:45

Well, number one, willpower won’t work, it just won’t work. And there are a couple of reasons for that. One is your biology conspires against you. I mean, if you had diarrhea, willpower is not going to help you. And sorry to be gross. But the same thing is true with alcohol just because of the way it changes our neural circuits. It hardwired you to make drinking more of a habit as you can’t help it, it’s biology. The second thing is that you set yourself up with your environment, and not just and your physical environment, you know how they say the weight loss battle is fought in the grocery store, like if you bring the Oreos home, somebody’s gonna eat them. That’s right. You know. And the same thing is true for drinking, if your environment is full of drinking stuff, alcohol and the glasses and the fancy this and that, you know, we’re creatures of our environment. The third thing is our social environment is also really influential. There’s research that shows that if your five best friends are overweight, you’re probably overweight, too. Or if they smoke, you probably smoke too. And if they drink, guess what you probably drink, too. Yeah. And so willpower is a wimp, compared to your environment, your social life and your biology. It just is the wrong tool for the fight. Yeah,

34:27

I love the way you frame that because it’s so true. And that, that goes back to the Jim Rohn quote of you become who your five closest influences are. And that includes what you put in your brain that includes what you read, that includes what you watch. And so, again, if all these things are sensationalized, and then all of a sudden you just say nope, I’m gonna flip a switch. You’ve got to really start flipping switches everywhere and take a good hard look at what you’re putting in your brain and obviously your body as well. So I love the way you framed it. up.

35:00

Yeah, thanks. And what I found I needed to change that up was a roadmap for how to do that. And I needed some companionship. Yeah. Because people that drink tend to feel really isolated. And we also pretend that everything’s fine, fine, everything’s fine. And to to understand that there are other human beings that are going through the same thing you are, or who have already gone through it, like that woman who was so alive to me. And so free. Those are the two important ingredients. You need the roadmap, the How to the directions, and you need some companionship.

35:47

Yeah, no, that’s, that’s really beautiful. Thank you. Now you’ve focused, you’ve written your book, and you focused on a community specifically for women to be able to really live in and I want to read one of the things that the way you’ve got this written, create an alcohol free life that’s joyful, interesting, and vital with proven tools, ideas and experiences that will transform your anxiety, shame and remorse into a life of a wash in love. And literally dreams come true. I love how you have phrased that because it’s not about, hey, get rid of alcohol, and you’ll be fine. It’s here’s tools. Here’s ideas. And again, you’ve already talked about that have your own experiments, and experiences to help you transform. Can you talk a little bit more about your community? And who would really be a good fit for?

36:48

It seems that the women that get attracted to what I’m doing are successful. And they look good. They look good. I mean, they are not DCFS is not knocking on the door and taking their children away. Right. They’re educated, they’re articulate. And they have friends, like, it looks like everything’s fine. Yeah. And, and yet, there’s some niggling going on. Oh, you know, my health isn’t, oh, I’ve got this weird little line that I don’t like on my face, or I just feel bad about what I did last night. And the first program that I have is a 21 day experiment, an experiment for 21 days, I’ll give you some tools, we’ll have a community. And if it’s not better, alcohol free, why bother? I mean, really, legitimately. If it’s not better, why bother? I am not a, you know, dogmatic preacher on the corner saying you’re gonna go to hell, because you’re sinning if you drink. What I’m saying to is, you don’t have to quit drinking forever. You’re not a bad person, come in and experiment with this and see what that freedom feels like for you.

38:14

That is amazing. I think that puts it in a really great frame for people because this is what’s best for you. And if you want to just take a taste test, sort of speak and see what it feels like, see what where you’re at. Just see what you need. Why I really like how you put that the 21 day experiment. That’s great. Yeah.

38:41

I mean, this is the way that I’ve worked with women for 22 years. When someone comes to me and says, Oh, I really want to develop a meditation practice. I say 30 seconds a day for for 21 days. 30 seconds, like, let’s make the goal so teeny here, but so consistent. And then let’s talk in 30 days, and you tell me what’s working and what isn’t. Right. It’s little baby steps. You know, our amygdala just goes nuts when we think we need to make a big change. Yeah. And so what I’ve learned is these teeny little baby steps that are so minuscule that they’re laughable, meditate for 30 seconds. Are you kidding me? Right? But that keeps your amygdala quiet enough that you can tiptoe around it and actually start to make some change without getting flooded with fear.

39:40

Yeah, and I would just want to pull that thread a little bit more. The reason, just for people who might be wondering is because when your brain gets used to something, it’s whatever the habit is, it doesn’t matter if it serves you if you’d like it. If you don’t, the brain doesn’t like change. Because what you’re talking about is that comfortability No matter if it’s good or bad, so once you start taking that predictability away, that’s when it starts freaking out. So that’s why you’re talking about these micro doses and micro steps. Because then you’re slowly starting to create a new pathway and a new habit, where then you slowly change the predictability where then it’s comfortable. And that’s why willpower doesn’t work. That’s why ripping a band aid off immediately and just pushing through. That’s why that doesn’t work. And that’s why people really feel so overly emotional, when they really try to make big changes in their habits. Because the brain is working against you, even though it might be a habit that serves you so beautifully, and you desperately want it to work, the brains going hang on a second, you’re changing my pattern, I don’t like it, I’m gonna resist. There’s nothing wrong with you. And that’s, that’s why I wanted to say all of that there’s nothing wrong with you, you have, that’s why it’s so important to understand the biology just a little bit, it’s important to love that.

41:15

I’m so glad I know that.

41:19

The micro steps are huge, the micro steps are huge. So I love that. Okay, I know, we could sit here and talk for a really long time. And this has been an incredibly empowering conversation. And I really, really hope that whomever is listening to this can have a couple takeaways to really understand. You’re brilliant, you’re wonderful just the way you are. Let’s just help you be a little bit more fulfilled, and joyful and vital at the same time. Are there any parting thoughts or words that you really want to leave us with today?

42:00

I think the question that I would invite the listeners to ask themselves is, do you like your habit of drinking? Do you like everything about it? And if the answer to that is wholeheartedly, yes, fabulous. Raka? And my dear? And if your answer to that is not think there are things about it, I don’t love, I would invite you to try a little experiment.

42:30

That’s awesome. That’s pretty darn simple, too. And so reaching out to you. If anybody wants to jump in with you and have a little 21 Day experiment, how might they do that?

42:44

Go to juicy A F dot life forward slash two, one, just the numbers, two, one, GCF dot life’s forward slash 21. And there will be a page where you can sign up and my book is coming. You can also at that same website, sign up to preorder my book, which comes out January 10.

43:09

That’s awesome. I look forward to that myself. And we will have all these links in the show notes. So if you want to grab the links, just go to the shownotes there’ll be there but everything is juicy AF which is I think, amazing. Kay, I am so thrilled and just honored and grateful for you that number one, that you’ve had the courage to be vulnerable and honest and say, Hey, this is what I went through. This is what worked for me, let me share and see how I can help you. And thank you for that because it’s very empowering. And I’m just so grateful that you have spent this time with me and to share your juicy goodness with everyone else.

43:54

I so appreciate this conversation. I really, really enjoyed it. And I hope that I’ve been able to be helpful to at least a few people.

44:04

I’m certain I’m certain of that. Thank you so much. Okay, my pleasure. We all like to escape ourselves and our everyday lives from time to time, and it’s healthy to do so. But what habits do we have that become unhealthy and can even be harmful? Often unhealthy habits just happen and become part of our unconscious lives, and we don’t realize it. The need to escape our reality rather than to embrace being with ourselves is a pretty telling sign that something might be going on. And we often aren’t aware to even notice. So meditation is a great way to learn how to go deeper into your life rather than escape from it. But meditation can also be a challenge to figure out and how do you do it and how do you break these unhealthy habits or even have some awareness. I’d like to invite you to meet me over at my Facebook group called Beat burnout, where I post neuroscience back practices that can help you learn to go deeper into your life and learn positive ways to cope with stress and definitely avoid burnout. I posted recently a free meditation titled your getaway. This meditation is a great way of learning how to create a healthy getaway that can help you cope and be kind to yourself even during times of stress and overwhelm. I hope to see you over there at the Facebook group beat burnout. I’d like to ask a favor of you and please take a moment to rate and review this podcast. It will do me a great favor and help me get this material in front of more people. Also feel free to share with someone you feel could benefit as well. Thank you so much for being here with me today.

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