Last week I sent a note and created a post centered around success and the belief mindset. If you didn’t have a chance to read it, I’ll summarize for you here. Success is all about mindset. It’s the willingness to envision your future self-successful combined with focused hard work. That’s when anyone can become successful.
I had several people reach out to me via PM and responded with comments about success. Most of you agreed that it all starts with the right mindset. A few made comments about hustling and hard work. I’ll still refrain right now about my soapbox on the word hustle! 🙂 Don’t worry; I’ll write more about this later!
There was, however, one message I received that struck me deeply and I wanted to respond in a way everyone can see, in case others are feeling similar.
One brave lady sent me a message pouring her heart into how she viewed success. I’m not going to re-post her enter message to protect her privacy and trust in confiding in me, but in summary, she was saying she didn’t believe in herself.
She says…“So what happens when you can’t see yourself successful …”
For many reasons, I was so sad to hear her words. We have probably all felt like this from time to time. It’s not atypical in the business world and it won’t be the last time we hear this either. But did she not see herself successful or did she not believe in herself?
She might argue that belief isn’t the problem but rather that she actually cannot see herself as a success.
My first response to this (is) would be, what does success really look like to you?
I can tell you, regardless of anyone’s answer to that question, freedom and fulfillment is the core of what we are seeking. If anyone has done any amount of self-reflection or personal development work, ultimately freedom and fulfillment are at the core of what we desire.
Freedom to make our own choices. Freedom to have the luxury to do what we want when we want. Freedom to travel. Freedom to create our own schedules and our own agendas. Freedom to buy an expensive meal every now and again rather than staying in eating at home every night. Freedom to breathe and not worry. Freedom to make our own decisions. Does this sound great or what, to be truly ‘free’?
Success is all about perspective. Some people believe that to be ‘happy’ and successful you must have $20Mil in the bank and own 5 houses, 20 expensive watches, and a whole list of ‘things.’
Having these expensive things can be impressive and entertaining for a while and having all this fancy ‘stuff’ can be great.However, ask anyone that has acquired these things if they truly felt content, fulfilled and successful. Some people will say yes. Many will say no if they’re being honest. It’s not the stuff that creates success…it’s everything else along the way and WHO we become. (or fail to become)
Here is some harsh truth.
MONEY CAN make you happy. MONEY DOES Solve a LOT of problems. Hey, I like money as much as the next person. But acquiring money, success, and fulfillment are all very different things. (I’ve been there done that. I once had the ‘perfect’ life with money, the white picket fence, etc…and guess what…I was MISERABLE!)
Money is an amplifier. It makes you a bigger version of what you already are. If you’re a jerk and you then win the lottery, now you’re just a richer, bigger jerk! (okay, not always, but most of the time).
Now, this leads me back to my real question. What does success really look like? What are your limiting beliefs? WHY don’t you believe in yourself?
In order to see yourself ‘successful’, you have to first accurately define what that truly means to you. Maybe some of what it means has to do with money. But if we really drill down on what it looks like, it’s WHO we are WHEN we are successful. It’s how we feel. It’s the fulfillment. It’s the satisfaction, the freedom, and then the money.
What do you do if you can’t see yourself successful or believe in yourself?
- Be kind to yourself. Watch what you say to yourself. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, then don’t say it to yourself.
- Borrow the belief. Find someone that believes in you. A parent, child, grandchild, friend…someone that has belief in you. Find it and borrow it. There IS someone, I promise you.
- Find the little speck of hope inside of you who wants to be a better, different, more fulfilled person and latch on to that person. Feel what it’s like to become that person. See yourself in different situations and how it would affect you if were a success.
- Surround yourself with positive inspiration. The more positive inspiration you are near, the more chance you have it will rub off on you.
- Get rid of the lack and scarcity mindset. Everything starts with a thought. If you focus on poverty and lack, you will get more poverty and lack. This does not mean to completely forget these experiences, but to focus on good and abundance.
“A man is but the product of his thoughts, what he thinks, he becomes.” Gandhi
As with everything, there are a lot of strategies that can help dig down and create a belief in yourself. The right diet, the right routine, the right mindset…it all adds up.
I would also suggest to most people to find a trained Neuro Wisdom Coach and have one or two Neuro Coaching Sessions to help work through the limiting beliefs and begin to retrain your mind and habits.
To summarize and to say directly to this brave lady who reached out to me; we’ve all struggled. We all have certain limiting beliefs.
Find ONE thing to believe in yourself and remind yourself every single day of all the successes you’ve accomplished. Your brain cannot distinguish between significant successes and little ones. Therefore, keep a list near you of at least 20 things you’ve done that area success. No matter how big or small.
Even if it’s reading two minutes of a positive message. Celebrate that thing as a success. And best of luck to you!